There I am lying on my bed waiting to be taken down to have the Hickman line inserted.
One of the other guys in my room, due to the nature of his condition, makes daily visits to the gym. Before he goes today he announces that he needs to take a crap. Due to his lack of mobility he needs to use a commode which a nurse takes over to his bed. Fair enough, seen that plenty of times, (obviously bed side curtains were closed, I was not witness to his business). I’ve even had to use one myself. He needs help to get on the commode and was apparently having problems pulling his drawers down so one of the nurses offers to help and says ;
“don’t worry, it’s nothing I have not seen before” to which he replied
“true, but you haven’t seen me sexually aroused yet”
Queue some awkward laughing.
What the hell? Am I sharing a room with some kind of sex pest here?. In a world where political correctness has gone mad, not sure I’d risk saying that to someone I didn’t know well for fear someone might take offence and try do me for harassment!
More worrying was the ‘yet’ at the end. I hate to think what he might of meant by that…
Obviously, he was just making a joke, and it was pretty funny to most of us, with the exception of one or two of the nurses it would seem. Maybe he has been watching too many dirty movies starring a different kind of nurse.
I have been allowed to come home for the night before my treatment starts tomorrow. However this was not before I got a chance to sample the fine hospital food…
I was all set to take some photos of what passes for food in that place and rip it to shreds. So, the plate of chicken curry and rice that I ordered arrived on my table and much to my surprise it actually resembled chicken curry and smelled somewhat edible. But, I have been lulled into this false sense of security before and what went in my mouth was not pleasing on the tongue.
Fork in hand I scooped up some curry and rice and gingerly started to chew it. Bloody hell, it actually tasted vaguely like chicken curry. IT’S EDIBLE. I almost cried tears of joy. So, for the first time in a long time I actually ate the majority of the food on my plate. Although let’s not get carried away here, I’m sure this miracle will not be repeated any time soon, so you can expect some rancid pictures and much ranting very soon I’m sure.
And to finish off, my Hickman line for your viewing please.
It goes in to my upper chest and is tunneled under the skin to the top of the shoulder where it is then inserted into a large vain that can cope with amount of aggressive drugs that is soon to be pumped into me. Apparently using an intravenous cannula as with my previous chemo is dangerous as it can cause damage to the walls of thinner veins. Wasn’t too bad having it inserted, especially as I was given some happy juice to dope me up a little bit. I was still awake, but didn’t really care about what was happening.
No comments about the moobs please
But wait, there more. As this is going to be hanging out of me for four months or more I was given a stylish fashion accessories to keep it out of the way a little. Give it a year and these neck pouches will be all the rage, mark my words…